Small girl, Big Dreams

Its a crazy world we're living in today. Everything revolves around technology, mainly the internet. You communicate mostly via a handheld device or a computer. Growing up, I could never fathom that this would what the world would be like today. Everything back then was so care free.

With anything there is positives and negatives. I was a quiet girl back then, but mainly only around people I didn't know or situations I wasn't really comfortable in. With the invention of the internet and what it has snowballed into, I feel like that has gotten worse. I hardly communicate with anyone other than my children and for that reason I feel like my communication skills have really suffered. Being in real world situations terrifies me. Having to make small talk with people terrifies me.

I have basically lived in a tiny little motherhood bubble for the past 3 years. It's hard to admit that you yearn for human contact and that you deeply desire that stimulation from companionship. People have invited me to do things or hang out and I always find some excuse because I am afraid. I'm afraid that I won't find the right things to say or I won't have enough to say. I know that this sounds crazy and sounds like I'm just was over thinking things. Well, I am and I am, but this is what I've become.

Is it strange that although I'm 26, I still feel like a child sometimes. I'm able to interact comfortably and honestly with children but when it comes to adults I just can't do it. I can see the judgment behind the eyes of many adults and I just can't put myself out there unless it's a situation where I have to.

This poses a problem because I have dreams. I have dreams of building a tribe. Having a group of people around me who lift me up and inspire me. I have dreams of public speaking on many mediums. I want to give a Ted talk, I want to inspire people, I want to lift people up and I want to form connections.

Maybe, I just want to feel HUMAN.

I just want to feel the way other people feel.  I want to feel comfortable being uncomfortable. I want to get out of my bubble, and out of my comfort zone. I want to go back to when living was easy and everyone talked openly without the facade of a virtual world that we have created of ourselves. I will get there.